I have a theological quagmire and I would value your input. No matter how well versed we are with Scripture or how in tune we are with God's will, we shouldn't pastor ourselves. We are too close to the issue and can't see clearly.
Is it right to forgive someone if they don't believe they have wronged you and/or won't apologize?
Let me give you some of my thoughts, then you can give me yours. Shouldn't we look at the example that God has set for forgiveness? He demands repentance before absolution. What about Scripture as a standard? No where in the Bible is a story of forgiveness for someone who didn't apologize. Even our human nature, which I know is not a great standard, cries out for closure.
If we don't forgive the unrepentant then what shall we say then? Do we ignore, forget or move on? I don't know, but I have been hurt by someone(s) and I don't see an admission of guilt or apology coming...well, ever.
This is my opinion...
ReplyDeleteI think it is WAY harder to forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness. Whether they feel justified in what they did, or don't know they hurt you, or don't care that they hurt you...it's SO much harder to forgive them.
Jesus does set an example for us of repenting or confessing first, and there's numerous verses and stories to echo/illustrate that. 1 John 1:9 "IF we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins..." is just one.
But if the offending person never asks for forgiveness, no matter their reasoning, we have to look at how we are affected. More often than not, we are changed because we didn't forgive. We become bitter, hostile, grumbly, rude, or anything else not Christlike because there's still that issue laying within us.
Immediately this Scripture came to my mind. Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger". The Message says it in an interesting way "Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life."
Sometimes we get angry, and our anger is justified even, but it is also dangerous. When you cross over to holding the grudge, lashing out, muttering under your breath, wishing harm on or wishing failure to the offender, planning an attack, etc you have allowed the devil "a foothold" - a opportunity to do more damage than we can imagine.
Ok, I will accept the possibility that I am angry and that anger is not good for me.
ReplyDeleteHowever, my question is: Is it right?
Not can I, not should I for my sake, but is it right?
Why doesn't God just forgive our sin? Jesus went crazy in the temple, why didn't he just forgive them and chill out? I think there is something else here.
I have a couple of personal examples for this one...
ReplyDeleteFirst one - not so tough, but still rough - I was the CO and boss of a child of an officer. This officer, at one point, felt that I was being too tough on her son... and at an officers councils, she gave me the tongue lashing of a lifetime, in the hallway, in front of lots of my peers. At the time, I was furious, hurt, and embarrassed. I held on to that hurt for a long time, but I got to the point where I just had to forgive her, because if I didn't, I would remain sick about it. To this day, she still has not apologized, nor do I think she thinks she was wrong. Her son did apologize.
The second one is a bit tougher... my dad molested me as a child. When I became a Christian (10 years after the incidents), I had to deal with the heaviness of that... and the reality of it all. I forgave him for doing what he did - I have never gotten an apology. I don't even think he realizes or remembers - he drank a lot as I was growing up. Because I have forgiven him, I have been able to have a pretty decent relationship with him... It is only with God that that could happen. I truly believe that.
I really do think that it takes time...
Ok, so as usual it only took a worship service at my church for me to get my head on straight. It dawned on me last night that there is a scripture of unilateral forgiveness.
ReplyDelete"Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34
So, there you have it folks. If Christ could do it in the middle of the offense, I too can have the victory. Thanks for your care and sharing.