Smoke and mirrors

(Con't...)
The next month can be best characterized by "fantasy". Not in a good way, but the idea of having lost touch with reality. In order to keep my sanity from having just lost everything important to me, I surrounded myself in delusion. I convinced myself that this what I really wanted and that I was happy. I lived with the woman for about a month, but split it off when reality started to come around again.

My wife and I had been talking and were still friends. Around Christmas time we were very close again and knew that our love was still alive and active. However, when some people found out that we were still in love there was a backlash. If Sarah wanted to protect her financial well being and the children's welfare, she couldn't be with me. She was threatened with huge loss if she didn't go through with the divorce.

Seeing no future in the Detroit metro, I sought refuge. My brother-in-law and his family were gracious and offered to take me in while I searched for a job. The day I left for Kansas City was the second saddest day of my life. Even looking at the photos from that day make me cry. I arrived in KC both excited and depressed. After months of looking for the right job, I was hired at Catholic Charities and started on June 7th.

During this time I sunk into a depression. On June 8th my divorce went through and 4903 days of marriage came to an end. To cope with my world collapsing I did what came naturally to me, I lied and and deceived. When my deceit and posturing came to light, I had hurt many people. On June 12, 2010 I was kicked out of my brother-in-law's house and I became homeless. That night I slept in the parking lot of a Walmart, in my car.

The next morning I composed myself in the Walmart bathroom and changed my clothes. It was a Sunday and there was only one place I wanted to be, church. I arrived at church early and sat at a table. When I saw the pastor I asked if I could have a minute of his time. I told him what happened and I wept. He stepped away and came back minutes later. He informed me that I would not spend another night in my car. Since that Sunday I have been living in a house that my church owns. Their grace and compassion have sustained me in my most desperate hour.