Too tough

One of my favorite things as a kid was to play with my legos. I had a lot of legos and they were the thing that kept my attention more than any other toy I had. The great thing about legos is, with an active imagination the play was endless. Most of the time I would just build what ever came to mind, but once I tried to construct the helicopter on the package. The instructions were long and complicated. After an hour of building I wasn't even close to being done. I left that project for something else. Weeks later I came back and finished up the helicopter. The looming dread of the unfinished project was enough to keep me away from my favorite toy.

As an adult, the looming dread of those things I hate to do keeps me from acting in a decisive and purposeful manner. I wish I wasn't so overcome by my to do list and that I didn't feel so out of control. I think I suffer from the same thing that ostriches do. You know, when in danger they stick their head in the ground. Out of sight, out of mind. Except the thing looking to attack still gets me. But hey, at least I didn't see it coming. I know this isn't healthy and that I should be more proactive about life, but I just can't. It physically hurts when I think about all those things stressing me out. So, I ignore them and the bad feeling goes away. Except I am sure it just manifests itself in some other way, but since it isn't directly connected I don't make the same association.