Cyclical cynicism

Growing up I was deathly terrified of roller coasters. Not because I had tried them, just because of their appearance and the screams that emanated from them. When I would go to an amusement park I would stick with those rides that I felt comfortable with such as the scrambler and tilt-a-whirl. These rides were exhilarating but felt so much safer. These rides were comfortable for me because they would travel the same path over and over. I knew that after the first few seconds the rest would feel the same. Round and round got you a little nauseous but it didn't feel out of control.

In this amusement park of life I find myself on the same rides. I go around and around and get bothered by the spinning. For the last ten years at least I have suffered from the motion sickness of a cynical attitude. Most everything in my life is subject to this piss poor attitude of mine where I know better than everyone else. All I can see sometimes is other's failure and the apparent need for my touch of perfection. When you view life from this point of view it is worthless. Nothing ever is good enough and efforts are frustrating. Oscar Wilde said “The cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." This has been my perspective on everyone but myself...of course.

God grabbed me by the shirt collar today in church and reminded me that I am not the judge of other's intentions and that I haven't exactly gotten life perfected. I was thrown from lesson to lesson as the preacher reminded us of the compassion of Christ and how we need to have it as well in our lives. This log in my eye has encroached on my heart and left me with no feeling of compassion or understanding. I don't want to think and feel this way. Lord, take away this attitude and replace it with your heart.