Waiting

I am horrible at waiting for something. Whenever I order something online I am chomping at the bit until it comes. I check the mail box three times a day. Until my package comes I am consumed by the thought of getting it. I am even worse at Christmas. Not for my own gifts, but for the ones I am going to give. I am so excited about what I have got for someone that I want them to have it right away. Knowing something is going to happen and not being able to effect its timeline drives me bonkers.

I am going nuts right now. I am in limbo waiting for my life to return to normal. I can see the probable future coming and I want it now. I want a good job, a home and my family back. I know that these things have to happen in their time, but I am freaking out. I have been away from the life that was ordained for me for so long that I am suffocating. I want to feel good about the work I am doing. Not just the quality, but the cause. I want to make a difference and be a part of something bigger. I want to sleep in a bed. I have been a guest, more like a locust, in my brother-in-law's house for three months now. I want to hold Sarah in my arms again. I want my kids to fight for who gets to sit on my lap. I want to wake up to the woman I love.

But I am waiting. With no way to hurry this process up, I wait. I am sure this time in my life will prove to be a huge moment of growth and I am grateful, but I just want it now.