Mattress on the floor

Since I walked away from my ministry, family and life I have suffered. I have felt lonliness like I never knew. I have lost all hope and not knew how I would make it one more day. I have gone without in so many ways. Even though I am doing better today and have several blessings in my life, I am still not whole.

My job is a true God send and I am blessed to have it, but it isn't my calling. I sit at a desk almost all day and rarely interact with anyone. God made me to minister to hurting people and until I do, something is missing. I do have a great church and they are working on restoring me into some ministry of sorts. But as for now I am disconnected and away from my purpose. The love of my life and my children live about twenty minutes from me. I get to see them four or five times a week. We usually spend the whole weekend together. I get to cook for them and share in fun and family time. But when I wake up in the morning, I am alone.

Six inches above the floor is the view I have when I wake up. When you just have enough money to get by, you make certain sacrifices. A box spring and bed frame are luxuries in a world of generic toaster pastries. It is a reminder everyday of my decision and consequence. But there is hope from the mattress on the floor; it can't get any lower. From there I can only rise and reassemble the pieces of my life again. Some day I will have a box spring and a bed frame and I will rest above my world, but until that day...I press on.