A new hope

In a galaxy far, far away...well maybe not a galaxy, but Kansas City is sure far away. My home, not the residence, but those who are my family are far away. It is so tough to be away from my children and my wife. It is tougher knowing that my actions are what brought me far away. Had I been stronger, more sound of mind and better prepared for temptation I would be sitting on the couch next to my beautiful wife watching TV. My kids would be playing and telling me about their day. I was supposed to be Luke, thought I was Han and turned out to be Vader. I have pulled the trigger and blown up Alderaan.

My new normal is quite different. I am an adopted member of my brother-in-law's family. Whereas I hold full uncle privileges, it isn't the same. I am missing the touch of my wife, the kiss of my precious Ruby and the increasingly more manly hug of Dayton. One joy that I have retained is cooking. When I lived on my own for several months I missed cooking for loved ones. I tried several times to cook for myself or a friend or two, but it just wasn't the same. Now I get to cook for a family and it makes me happy. The kids don't always appreciate my cooking, but it is still fun. I have people to interact with and give me the joy of family. I am going to church and a corps no less. It hasn't been a perfect fit, but then again; where is?

I have been applying for jobs in the area and have been concentrating on the non-profit sector. I have seen several jobs where I thought, "I have done that and more, I must be a perfect fit." Too many times I get a reply that informs me that they are going in a different direction. Before everything was electronic I could get a job the same day I looked. My personality and charisma is such that I all I needed was an interview. Now you don't get an interview until your resume has wowed them. That is tough when you don't have a college degree. Most times they don't even care what your degree is in. You can apply for a programming director and have a degree in accounting and it is fine. Nonsense! Colleges aren't about learning, they are about grades. Having gone through seminary without reading one assignment I know (no longer proud of this).

I got a call yesterday from the county courts about a youth worker position that I applied for. They want me to come in and take a test next Wednesday. I am so excited! Even if this doesn't come to fruition it is enough to give me hope. Right now hope is as good as a job (less the money). I am sure I could get a job flippin burgers, but that is enough to drive a man crazy. If I don't feel like I am making a difference I will lose it. I need to know that this world is a better place because I am in it and participating.